Hear me growl, watch me grow

Can i ever sleep tonight?

It was supposed to be yesterday's post yet there was an internet connection yesterday and i had no choice but to post it today.

YEsterday was my second year anniversary but we celebrated today. Steve gave me a big bouquet of flower with a really fat and cute pig at the centre. It was so lovely.

However, guess things just didnt turn out as beautifully as the flower. After lunch, Steve was really quiet and i guessed he had mood swing.. I didnt know why but it affected me badly as well. I couldnt behave cheerfully and so the both of us ended being very quiet, moody and unhappy.
Then, we went to Compass point to get some stuffs to cook at night. I was eating some puff from delifrance and the crusts fell off and littered my dress as well as the flower. Steve exclaimed that i have no "yi tai" ettiquette. After being together for 2 years, this is the first time he criticised me openly.
My heart was shattered and millions of nails are pricking. (i am not being exaggerating, that is really how I felt.) I tried to ignore the pain but to no avail. So i let it to continue to torture me. After a while, it actually got numb. So numb to the point that i no longer show any emotions. Steve tried all ways to coax me but i couldnt absorb. I was numb to everything.

Then, we came home to sleep. After the sleep, both of us felt better. However, when night came, we were upset with each other again.

Perhaps that is the way life works. Nothing is perfect. Steve is so good to me yet there are things that he just cant accept (of me) and there are things that i just refused to oblige. Well, i got to agree that i am rather weird. I am that kind of girl that some guys just cant accept it. Yes, i have low sex interest. I dont even like kissing. I have to force myself even for simple things like kissing. (Not to mention any "higher" level of intimidation) I do not know what is wrong with me. Seriously. I do not blame steve for feeling low-spirited cuz of me yet... I just cant compel myself to love what i dont enjoy.

Haiz, i am so tired yet when i looked at the dejected figure leaving me tonight, I cant bring myself to sleep.

I just feel that Steve did not really dote me as much as he did in the past. Maybe that is what they called boredom in a relationship. Maybe? I do not know.

I am like a lost ship in the open sea. There is big wave coming after me. The ship is a bit shaky now. Can i dodge it? Would the wave changed directions?

I dont know and will never know...

posted by littlegal @ 11:37 AM